Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Today a good friend of mine went through her very first break-up.  Unfortunately, it wasn't her decision to end things and she's taking it a little hard.  She'll be fine, she's so strong and has gotten through much worse, but I know it hurts a lot.  It made me think back to my first breakup and all the subsequent breakups I've had since then.  I wanted to be able to give her good advice, tell her things my Mom told me and pour everything I've learned into her.  I thought long and hard and ultimately said this to her, via her Facebook wall:

 

I'm so sorry you're hurting, sweet girl. I wish there was a way to make it go away, but the reality is that sometimes life sucks.
Now that you're dating, you'll be on the giving and receiving end of break-ups, and because you are such a nice and compassionate person, they will be equally hard. My advice is to approach both with an open mind and a gentle tongue.
I know it hurts to get broken up with, but it's better than being with someone who doesn't get what a spectacular person you are. Seriously, he did you a favor.
So, use this weekend to reflect, make a mental note of what you will do differently when YOU need to break up with someone, have a delicious ice cream sundae, and then move forward with your life and on to the next adventure.

I love you!

It sounds so simple, and that's deceiving because it's not simple at all.  It's hard to go through it and process it at any age, let alone as a teenager, but it's something that unfortunately cannot be avoided. 
I've learned that one of the most important things to know how to do is communicate effectively with people.  I need to be able to say things to people in a way that they understand the message I'm conveying.  One of the most difficult and admittedly awkward things to do is to breakup with someone, and I don't just mean a mate.  Learning to "breakup" with  a friend who is no longer a good fit is also very important and it's often very similar to ending a relationship. 
I'm not sharing this because I am an expert in anything, let alone relationships.  I just know what mistakes I've made that I wish I had thought through differently, and I wanted to share with anyone who might be struggling with something similar. 

<3

Makin' babies!

I knew as a very young girl that I wanted to be a mother.  I used to wonder what my husband would look like and dream about how many children we would have.  When I started dating, I would always try to imagine what a life with those people would be like.  Even as a 16 year old girl, I would try to peek into the future.  I could usually tell early which boys would be for fun and which could be husband material.  I wonder if they ever thought that of me? 
Anyway, when I met Joe, I knew almost immediately that he was special.  He said funny things and listened intently when I spoke.  He would remember the smallest of details from stories I told, filing them in his mind to release back to me to let me know he was paying attention.  Our courtship was short, we moved in together just 7 months after we met and ultimately married 2 months after that.  I remember people were so surprised to find out we had married.  The first question out of more than one mouth was, "Are you pregnant?".  Is that really the number one reason people get married?  The truth is I was not pregnant, but I was excited by the mere thought of it.  We immediately stopped using birth control and decided that although we weren't TRYING to get pregnant, we also weren't going to try to stop it.
We had a good marriage.  We played a lot of poker, saw a lot of movies, played a lot of video games, went to Vegas almost monthly, made love often, and spoke about the children we would one day have.  In reality, the pregnancy could (and should) have come at any time, but it didn't.  It was around our 2 year anniversary that I began tracking my period and ovulation so we could help nature along.  I thought for sure once I knew when I was ovulating, we could hop in the sack and the magic would happen.  It didn't.  Month after month I would get my hopes up only to have them crushed.  I remember taking a pregnancy test one month before my period was even due hoping that I would somehow make those pink lines manifest.  They didn't.  The few friends I told urged me to see a doctor, but I was embarrassed.  Other fat Moms I had talked to told me they were told they couldn't get pregnant because of their weight, I was not in the mood to hear that kind of bullshit.
It was in early October of 2010 that I talked to a good friend of mine at work and told her of my trouble.  She told me about a little cramp that she feels at ovulation, it is a sign from her body that she is ovulating.  I immediately knew what she was talking about and had often wondered what that was.  Not willing to let any advice slide, I waited for that cramp and sprung into action.  It was October 10th.  I remember I was watching TV and Joe was already in bed, tired from a long day.  I felt the cramp and rushed in to wake him.  We made a perfect little Jason that night.  We found out I was definitely pregnant on October 30th.  I remember we were supposed to go to a haunted house that night and had to cancel because I was afraid of scaring the baby out.  I could have filled a book with what I didn't know about pregnancy at that time. 
I will wrap this up by saying that when it was time to make Jonathan, I waited for the cramp and we made him on our first try, that was August 21, 2012. 
Sometimes I wonder how life would have been different had I known about the little cramp trick sooner, but I honestly believe everything is working out exactly as it is supposed to.